We’ve all grown up with countless bits of bad advice and tall tales hovering over us. Masturbation makes you go blind, shaving once brings a full beard– all stories that went from ridiculous to widely accepted. In the last few years people have taken many of these old myths to task, and now most are accepted not as truth but rather, as  (for lack of a better word) bullshit. Somehow, these defunct, old wives tales about men are still passed around like common knowledge.

The More You Shave, The Thicker The Beard

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Many men still vehemently swear this myth is true, but it simply isn’t. Just as you can’t permanently “train your hair” because follicles do what your genetics tell them to, neither can shaving your beard change the way it grows. It will definitely feel more coarse afterward, but that’s because you’ve chopped off the tapered ends of the individual hairs, leaving only the thicker portions of their shafts. And despite the uproar about it, dermatologists have put their collective foot down on the matter.

Drinking Yellow #5 Is Bad For Your Manhood

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This popular myth spread about just like the old “fake sugar causes cancer” myth (and it can, if you eat five times your body weight in fake sugar daily). The fact is, Yellow #5 dye is harmless, and has always been harmless, and will always be harmless. The rumor myth grew in among young people and got taken to college with them, where it apparently didn’t learn anything because people still believe this one, too.

Wearing Briefs Causes Sterility

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It’s very easy to be taken in by this one, since doctors will warn men suffering from low sperm counts to stay away from hot tubs, and wearing tight underwear, sitting on BBQ’s, etc. Testicles need to maintain temperature to keep viable sperm, and that’s why they need to hang away from the body, but the affect of wearing briefs is negligible if you are a healthy, virile male. You can wear spandex biking shorts all day long if you want to, but you’re not going to wind up sterile.

Drinking Beer Causes a Beer Belly

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Drinking beer, in mass quantities, will contribute to your inevitable beer belly if your diet and exercise habits are severely lacking. Caloric content in beer is extremely high, but there is nothing special about beer that makes you grow a bulbous midsection, unless you’re a woman, and that’s due to bad decisions after having too many beers in one night. You can just as easily grow a beer belly without drinking any beer at all, you just wouldn’t have as much fun doing it.

Balding Comes from Mom’s Side, or Wearing Hats

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This simply is not true, at all. Men’s baldness is entirely blamable on genetics, but it can be from a man’s mother, father, grandfather, or grandmother. There is no set pattern for it to follow, it can skip generations or pop up seemingly out of nowhere. Wearing hats will not cause baldness either, unless you’re surgically implanting hats into your scalp. Instead of finding blame, it’s best to try to deal with it – just not with a comb-over, please.

Penis Length Measured by Shoe or Hand Size

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This is one of those fun myths we don’t seem to want to go away. Even women swear this is true, because their mothers tell them it’s true. The fact is that while it’s tempting to say that an erect penis’s length may be very close to the distance measured between the tip of your thumb, and that of your forefinger (held at a right angle), it’s just a coincidence. Likewise, thinking your shoe size has any bearing on your penis length is just begging for disappointment.

Men Hit Sexual Peak at 18

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This is still widely thought to be true, while in reality it’s more like testosterone levels are highest at this age. That may be chief among manly hormones, but it has little bearing on a man’s functional sexuality, and even less to do with his sexual experience or skill. Women in particular call this myth absolutely ridiculous.

Masturbating Too Much is Bad For You

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It’s like this: Unless you’re suffering from some sort of repetitive behavioral disorder, you really can’t masturbate so often that it becomes a physical problem, socially, well that’s a different story. Men continue producing ridiculous amounts of semen throughout their entire lifetimes, there’s no chance of you ever running out because of masturbation. Neither will you somehow cause damage to your equipment through frequent solo use.

Spicy Food or Hard Liquor Will Put Hair On Your Chest

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Some people actually still believe this, even today. The idea itself is simply ridiculous, and the only thing that’s going to put hair on your chest is your genetics, or maybe glue.

Oysters Make You Horny

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There are actually quite a few storied foods that people still think are aphrodisiacs today. Oysters is a big one, but let’s not forget the fantastic drink Josta that got pulled off the market when the public got hoaxed into thinking Guarana was an aphrodisiac. The truth is that no food or drink has ever been found to actually affect sexuality, physiologically at least. If it makes you feel sexier to eat something with the consistency of snot, then by all means, get your groove on.

Men Think About Sex Every Seven Seconds

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Every seven seconds, a woman somewhere still quotes this in a rant about men. Lately, it’s been completely abandoned, since whatever research was done to “prove” this was shoddy at best. If anything, the myth itself causes men to wonder if they’re wondering about sex.

Antiperspirants Cause Male Breast Cancer

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This was another fairly epic schoolyard myth that got carried with boys throughout their young adulthood into maturity. Studies have shown that women who regularly shave their armpits and use antiperspirant just as regularly may possibly have a slightly higher likelihood of developing breast cancer, but no study has even been conclusive in that. As for men, not even a one in a million chance.

Staring At Large Breasts Can Help You Live Longer

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While in a punnery sense, this could be true, in a literal sense it’s absolute hogwash. A man can stare at pure pornography all day long and not live a day longer than if he hadn’t. This myth follows the same rules as “petting kittens can add years to your life,” where the idea is to be happier, more calm, have good blood flow and live your life. That being said, it doesn’t really hurt either.

Average Penis Length Is Seven Inches

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This one is so widespread it’s pretty much thought of as statistical fact. The real statistical fact is that the average penis length is somewhere between four to six inches, erect. Feel like a superman now, don’t you? (whew)

Men Can’t Get Breast Cancer

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While the odds are overwhelmingly against a man getting breast cancer, it’s technically possible. No need to worry though, you don’t need to do regular checks since it’s not really something you’d miss.

Having Lots of Sex Can Negatively Impact Your Sporting Prowess

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This old myth has become more of a superstition, but some still swear by it in the literal sense. Fact is, sex does alleviate stress, anxiety, and aggression for a short period of time directly after the act, but that has nothing to do with your actual performance in sports. If your suddenly being happier detracts from your ability to score a point, you may have other issues to deal with, but sex isn’t one of them.